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Published by Mom May 18th, 2008 in UncategorizedWe spent part of our weekend in Brooklyn with Jen, Eddie, Mabel & Milo . We were there scoping out neighborhoods and in general just hanging out.
We went out to eat with them at the end of the day on Saturday and enjoyed the phenomon of babies in bars. Quite a lot of babies actually. Two per parent.
We’ve talked about having another baby, joked about, danced around the topic. Arch would love to have a little red headed girl, he says. I even went and talked to a new fancy high risk OB about our risks (this appointment involved me sitting in a waiting room with about 30 perfectly healthy pregnant women, I ended up in a corner metaphorically rocking back and forth.) At the bar in Brooklyn, everyone had two children. There was Nora & Ferdinand, Gordon & Sadie, Mable & Milo, and then there was Jack.
Just Jack.
Part of me has no desire to have another baby. Health risks etc. don’t even factor into this feeling. Honestly, it’s the feeling that I have totally and completely short changed Jack, and Arch, and I need to focus on them 100% of my time (the WOHM ambivalence post is forthcoming). How could I possibly deal with #2?
And then there is the practical part. The part where we know that I fall into that weird and wacky super-high risk pregnancy group. The special group where my OB sat me down and looked me in the eyes and said, “IF you decide to get pregnant again (emphasis hers), you and I will be seeing A LOT of each other.” And then she proceeded to tell me that our risk of a recurring placental abruption was about 10%. Considering that our risk last time was 1% , those odds actually sound pretty shitty. Also? We will likely have the pleasure of hospital monitored bed rest, again.
I feel like I’ve let Arch and Jack down and this weekend really drove the feeling home. We’re three and everyone else is four, or even more (after all, 3 kids is the new 2). WTF.
We’re months ahead of you and still very much three.
I don’t know how you get the courage to get pregnant again after your experience- maybe you do, maybe you don’t. There are other (albeit expensive) options out there.
All moms feel like they do not give enough. I WAHM and I feel guilty for all the TV my kid watches while I work. Is that honestly better than daycare?
Good luck with your decision.
we’re just about to go from 3 to 4, and the transition this far has not been easy. on me. and everything in the universe has told us that this is not the best time. and yet. and yet Baby Sister is due in less than 4 weeks.
jack would make a wonderful big brother, but he’ll be just fine as an only child, too (all the more love and attention to receive!). and, as nicole said above, i don’t know how you’d find the courage after your first experience. but i think if it’s right for you–the right time for you–you’ll know.
(also, if you’re checking out brooklyn neighborhoods, be sure to check out bay ridge–great family neighborhood with decent schools. we’ve been here for nearly 10 years. it’s only just now all the hip park slopers are coming in after they’ve been priced out of their own apartments. it can be a bit of a commute to the city, but i did it for 8 years and the express bus is handy and quicker than the subway)
What if we just make a decision for both of us? I had an abruption too. And lost Nina’s twin. And I am still totally conflicted. Perhaps we are both crazy. You decide for both of us and I’ll follow along-promise.