I am a very good worrier

Despite the fact that my husband knocked off of work early so that I could get some sleep, I have not, in fact, slept.

Nope instead I have lazed in bed since 7:30 this evening, worrying. Ah yes, another fun little fact of parenthood – you worry more.

Below please find a randomized list of worries, some big, some small but all considered in depth in the past 4 hours:

  • I am going back to work next month. Will I still be any good at my job? Will I want to be as good at my job? Also? How will I be good at my job if I don’t sleep?
  • When I do go back to work – what the hell will I wear?!
  • Global Warming! Thank you Al Gore.
  • Will Jack even notice I am gone when I go back to work?
  • Why are the bottoms of my feet itchy? Especially if I haven’t worn shoes in several days?
  • What is up with the odd crack in the newly tiled bathroom wall?
  • Why has Jack picked this night to sleep for longer than 4 hours? Is he okay? Maybe he is sick? I better go check.

Did you notice a theme? Something about returning to the work force?

I know that there are many working mom’s who read this blog. Tips, advice and assurances are really quite welcome at this time. Really? I’ll be right here, wide awake and ready to read them.

5 Replies to “I am a very good worrier”

  1. I worked for the first 4 months after Henry was born. And really? I worried and worried, too. In actuality, the day I went back to work was A LOT easier than I thought it would be. I didn’t sit on the subway holding back tears. I was REALLY excited to get back to the office.
    Seriously: LUNCH BREAK! COFFEE BREAK! Heaven!
    And then there’s the guilt about not feeling guilty.
    But the day went by so fast–and it was so nice to exercise my Adult Thinking Muscle. And it made me enjoy Henry even more.
    But you can make yourself crazy worrying about all this stuff.
    I prescribe a mani/pedi followed by a hot bath, a glass of wine, and a OTC sleeping pill.

  2. I am seriously echoing the sleeping pill (or Benadryl) suggestion. You will feel like a new person.

    I don’t know about the work stuff (well, I sort of do, but I’m WAH so it’s all very different, I think), but I wish someone would have told me during those first few months that it’s all going to CHANGE. Right now it feels like you will never sleep and you will always be this worried and that Jack is going to need you this much FOREVER. But honestly- even in a few months, it will all feel totally different. I couldn’t wrap my head around this a few months ago- I was quite sure this was a permanent situation, but let me be the first to tell you it is not. Do what you can to get through it sanely and trust that it will pass.

  3. Let’s be honest: it never stops, the lack of sleep. Ar least at my house. Once they get over the nightly feedings, they learn to walk, then they sleepwalk, and the dog has to alert. Then they are teens, there is no way to go to sleep until you hear the front slam shut at 1 a.m.. There is a few month hiatus while at college, but return with a vengence, arriving mostly around 3 a.m. to cook an omlette or casadia (sp?) and run a load of laundry. Then they get a good sleep–untiil 4 p.m. or so…
    But it’s all worth it, and goes by way too fast.
    I think your friends have the right idea, tho at times i had to skip the OTC isle and hit the RX counter.
    I’ve enjoyed getting to know Jack and all of you–look for a little something in the mail.
    “Aunt” Sandy

  4. I’ve been back at work full-time since August and I still worry about going back to work every day. What am I worried about? For the most part, things have gone very smoothly. After 5 months back at work I’m pleased to say that Helen still loves me just as much as she did when I was home (if not more!). I didn’t miss seeing her sit up, clap, wave, pull up, etc. for the first time. Either she knows it matters to me so much she saves it or the people at her daycare put on a damn good show of pretending I’m not missing it all. It took a few months but I’m able to actually get a fair amount of work done while I’m at work. While I don’t have time to do everything, I’ve learned to prioritize and if that means my bathroom’s dirty when you come over, I did manage to spend some QT with Helen and that’s more important. I’m tired but just when I think I can’t take anymore, she makes it a little easier or I find that reserve of energy and manage to get through it. Can’t tell you not to worry, but don’t be hard on yourself, give yourself some time to adjust, ask A. to take over when you feel yourself going over the edge, and think about spending the occasional night in a hotel so that you can get some sleep. Haven’t done that last one myself but it sounds awesome.

  5. I liked your comment on Amy’s blog about silence often being a good response. Thank you.

    As a fellow worrier, the one thing I noticed about returning to work after Elias’s NICU stay is that all the little shit that used to bother me at work didnt matter. I didnt get involved in the petty politics and I didnt stress as much about what use to make me crazy. I guess you can say my perspective shifted and so I left work at work. AND I loved having something unbelievably exciting to come home to–a snuggle with my little boy. So for me at least, it all seemed harder when I lay in bed worrying about it than it actually did when it happened. And now that I’m not working again, I miss it.

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