anxiety thy name is mother…hood.

Many a post has been written by others about the anxiety caused by motherhood. And the anxiety caused by parenting a preemie is really at the top of the list of things.that.are.stressful.

Jack is sick. And no, not sick in the Oh My God we must get to the hospital kind of way. But sick in that he has a stuffy nose and needs saline drops at every feeding and occasionally the nasty suction bulb actually gets some white colored snot out. I know that all this snot could be totally normal but that hasn’t stopped me from calling the pediatrician for the second time in 3 days.

Last night I watched Jack sleep, pretty much all night, just to make sure he was okay. I took a break after having a small fit of hysterics and Arch took care of him in the early morning.

Now I am starting to have anxiety about being too anxious. I don’t want to be one of those worrywart mothers. I mean, I am looking forward to the day he goes tear-assing down a black diamond (I’ll rue these words, right?) But the thing is, he did have a very unusual start in life, so where’s the line? When do I get to stop worrying?

4 Replies to “anxiety thy name is mother…hood.”

  1. when do you get to stop worrying?
    i think you should ask your own mother.
    i bet she has lots to say.
    i know mine does.

    i think that motherhood is an exercise in letting go.
    and in not projecting your own issues on someone else.
    and in growing up.
    and in having to apologize repeatly to your own parent(s).

    you could also look at jack’s possible future recklessness with pleasure.
    the pleasure that could come from knowing that at one time, it seemed like jack wasnt going to have the opportunity to be reckless and to snowboard tear-assing(what? kind of an odd visual there, mommy.) down a black diamond.

  2. I have tried to leave this comment, email you, etc. but I think things are finally working.

    The anxiety is normal, though I imagine it’s much more pronounced with a preemie.

    I think it’s ok to be a worrywart mother during the beginning. It will begin to wane as Jack gets bigger. I promise.

    What I wanted to say, though, as someone who has been riddled with anxiety since giving birth (and before as well, in spells), is that sleep deprivation makes it 1,000 times worse. I know you’re thinking “Yes, well, how am I supposed to not have sleep deprivation when I have a baby?” and it’s true that it will always be there to some degree, but there are some things I did that helped me. I will offer them as suggestions and you do not have to take them.

    1. I get in bed at 9 p.m., even though it makes me a loser and I don’t get to do the million things that “need” to be done. If I sleep 8 broken-up hours, I can function the next day.
    2. I take a half Benadryl to get me to sleep (safe for breastfeeding).

    I actually went to the doctor to deal with my “insomnia”. She was like “You don’t have insomnia; you have a baby that wakes you up.” Oh! Try to nap, if you can (I never can).

    Good luck. It gets better.

  3. Hi Sarah-
    This is Liz Mansfield-your friend from Roosevelt. I just read your entire blog and found reference to myself in it. Your blog is wonderful-another source of hope for us. Congrats on bringing home your little love!

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