Jack has been stable this afternoon. He is on 45% oxygen and 20 on the ventilator. They have cut his feeding down to 10cc’s to try to get some of the cloudiness out of his lungs. He lost a little weight today but since he’s been gaining pretty steadily for the past several days it doesn’t seem to be a concern. He is at 1505 grams.
He is sleeping comfortably so far tonight, and he hasn’t had any desatts since this morning. They just took a blood gas test and are processing it. When it come back, they may try to lower his ventilator or O2 levels, but we just don’t know.
I caught a cold, and so I can’t go anywhere near him right now. It’s incredibly frustrating. It’s bad enough that Jack isn’t here with us, and that I only get to see him for an hour or so a day. But until I get better, I don’t even get to do that.
Like, WTF? This sucks.
I mean, my son is in the hospital, there is basically nothing I can do for him, other than tell him that I love him and sit around wondering if he’s going to make it. Am I ever going to get to say “You’re not getting the keys to the car until the lawn is mowed”?
And if he doesn’t make it, will we have the strength to start again, knowing that the exact same thing could happen?
I am thinking about your family. I do not even recall how I came across your blog but it has touched me. Take good care of yourselves.
Oh, he’s gonna make it. No doubt.
we love you guys and baby jack kaden smart too and are sending enormous positivity your way from africa
Sarah, Archie & Baby Jack –
We are saying prayers for you all.
Love,
Leah, John and Finn Kane
Prayers from the east, the west, from the north and the south – and Africa! You guys are loved the world over. We are all praying for you.
Love,
CRT
BJ*,
So we’ve had a tough day or so, but you know what c’est la vie. As you get older there will be days that make this seem like a cake walk, just listen to Auntie V. Like when your ‘rents give you an entire list of chores that have to be done before you can have the keys to the car. And trust me, from experience, I know getting the keys from your dad is going to be difficult. (note: I’m pretty sure that’s because I don’t really drive except in third world countries which is a totally different experience and from your dad’s point of view of course extreme caution is warranted. I say, it’s the best driving experience to have, but whatever. )
So anyhoo, let’s talk about current events.
1.) Excellent work remaining stable, I know it takes a lot out of ya. We may be slightly behind my expectations, with the feeding and such, but at the end of the day, if the drs say 10ccs, we can’t really argue with that right now. When you kick this pneumonia will get back on track, so no worries there.
2.) Parental Control: we’ve talked quite a bit about this, but I gotta tell you, again, the fewer “concern flags” you raise the better. When you’re a little older I can help you around this with some issues. But I have to tell you, no matter how old you are there will always be something. The key is to fly under the radar. See, no matter how old you are, they will ALWAYS be concerned about you. It’s just kind of what parents do. (that and always, in my opinion, be responsible for doing things like keeping your original birth certificate and social security card- my mother would argue with this statement.) You’ll be my age, in your mid thirties, and they will call you with a whole host of concerns about your well being and usually at very odd hours, so it is what it is and get used to it and the fewer concerns they have it’s always better — start now.
3.) What nose did you pick? I’m dying to find out.
4.) Your dad and visits – I just want to make it clear, my cold last week had absolutely nothing to do with your dad catching one so when you start thinking about it, know, it’s not from me. I intentionally stayed away so I wouldn’t be Typhoid Mary. (your mom can explain the reference or I can if you want to give a quick call.)
5.) love you.
Notes:
* BJ stands for Baby Jack, a name I came up with on my own and has not been endorsed by Jack, Sarah or Archie.
As always my missives, which I know are at least read by a few people, are entirely directed to Jack. Today, I’m breaking my own rules and adding some thoughts about Sarah and Archie. I’ve included them in my conversations with Jack and he knows, but for everyone else.
These are two of the most amazing indivduals I know. Their love, generosity, caring, strength and support during difficult situtions knows no bounds- no matter the circumstance. Naturally, they have shown that yet again over the course of the last month. Sarah and Archie, your strength and resilience (sp?) during this incredibly difficult time is awe inspiring and humbles me. Jack has clearly inherited these characteristics, no question.
my son(almost 1 year) and i had “one of those days” (it was really about a week long, but who’s counting?). i blame myself. we just had to name the kid DAMIEN!!!Now that week is funny, but please believe it was not at the time. who knew you could be that special kind of angry and frustrated while sobbing?
During that week, i will admit that i had a unbidded, private, evil thought(or two). i am too ashamed to include it. Just understand it is not flattering, but maybe can be understood by parents of some babies and perhaps even owners of very young puppies.
MY POINT????
Sarah and Archie,
Please remember that your survival of this kind of shi-stuff only adds to your strengths, as individuals and as a couple. that strength will be jack’s gift to you, his parents.
I am always behind the news, but the recent events seem wonderful for you all.
For the best, please know that in my heart lies the biggest wish ever for your family. i wish that there will be that “day”(or week), when there is a moment(or moments) that baby jack is being really, really, really quiet. and it is not because the worst has happened, but because baby jack has just done something really, really, really wrong. And when that biggest wish ever comes true, i know that you both will have the strength to handle it with some sense of rational thought (unlike some parents and owners of very young puppies), because you will know what the worst could have been. and that will also be jack’s gift to you.
oxox